I Need To Do More..
Wednesday December 18, 2024
Over the last several Weeks, maybe even months, I’ve caught myself thinking, “am I doing what God wants me to do?” “Am I following the correct path, and is this really going to go anywhere?” This, of course, was in connect with my podcast. I have some followers on Apple and Spotify. Not near as many as I’d like, but I have some. I’ve interviewed some amazing people over the past several months and hear their stories of how they got to where they are today. This question is, am I on the right path?
A few weeks ago, I ran into someone that I haven’t seen in a few years. This gentleman was a career firefighter for Fort Wayne Fire Department, now retired. I was joining my wife and friends to play recreational league sand volleyball, in an attempt to get back in shape and be more active. As I walked through the front door, I saw Bruce sitting in a chair, by himself, watching his family play. I had sat next to him and was talking to a friend/teammate, when I realized Bruce was sitting there next to me. I decided I needed to say something to Bruce. What started off as a friendly conversation, one that’s similar to two strangers meeting for the first time, we somehow ended up discussing mental health, specifically involving members of public safety. I did not provoke this conversation, Bruce did. We shared stories back and fourth and he reiterated the need for more support in the public safety community.
Fast forward a bit, I run into Bruce quite frequently now, and the conversations seem to be the same. While I can’t share what those conversations are, it has become quite clear why I am where I am at this moment. Our conversations have turned into debriefings, an opportunity for Bruce to share what’s on his mind.
Even after these conversations, I still would find myself wondering, “ok, that was a one off situation.” “Am I REALLY supposed to be doing this?” I then receive a phone call from a very good friend of mine. This friend has been on the show before, and is a police officer locally. He began sharing with me his concerns for his fellow officers, and how this has just been an awful month for them and the community due to all of the horrific calls they have been sent on. We chatted on the phone for nearly an hour. I just needed to be a listening ear, and I knew that. This is not something new to me, but rather something I enjoy. I didn’t need to have the answers, nor did I need some magic wand to make it all go away for him. I know from past experience, sometimes we just need someone to listen to what is bothering us. We just need to know someone cares enough to hear our story.
Later that night, I saw a notification come across my phone for an officer involved shooting. “Another one?” I thought. From the sounds of it, it was a clean shoot. However, there was nothing “clean” about it. It was clean in the aspect of the officers being justified in the use of force. Of course this is all speculation on my end, but from my experience that is how it seemed. Based off of the local media and random Facebook posts, it appears that this was a suicide by cop situation. An awful situation for all parties involved, including the family. I thought to myself that these officers and other members of public safety just can’t seem to catch a break right now. So much violence. So many situations that no one should ever be put in. So many horrific scenes that no one should ever have to see, but yet police, firefighters, medics, and even dispatch are forced to be apart of on a daily basis.
I went into work the next morning. As per usual, I stopped at a local gas station to continue to fuel my addiction of caffeine. I was on the phone with my wife checking in with her that morning since she worked the night before. As I’m sitting at the gas station, I look over and there’s a squad car sitting in the parking space next to me. As if by the grace of God Himself, my good friend was the one sitting in the car. The friend that had been reaching out for a listening ear. I attempted to get my phone out and call him to tell him to look out his window. He finally noticed me as he was backing out and he jumped out of the car to share a quick conversation. We discussed how awful this month has been, again. I shared my feelings that it doesn’t seem like anyone can catch a break. He mentioned that as soon as he heard about the incident and the outcome, he quickly threw on his uniform and immediately headed towards the scene.
As we parted for the morning, I informed him that I don’t want to step on any toes, but I still feel like there is more we can do. I feel like there is more I can do. He told me he would keep me in the loop. I specifically asked him to let me know if there is anything I can do to help. I want to help as much as possible. I’m not a mental health expert, but I’ve seen a few things and have dealt with a few things. I’m hoping there is more I can do. I know it takes time to build up a rapport with the public safety community. It took me years to gain the friendship and family that I have, but at the end of the day, I’m not ready to turn my back and say “it’s not my problem.” It IS my problem. These are members of my family. These are people who had my back in dangerous situations, and I theirs. I need to do more. I’m just not exactly sure what that looks like right now…